Trying to change the beginner plan

I’m dreaming again
And the dream is always the same
I can’t throw it all away
Cause I can’t hide from pain
I try my best in everyway
But I can’t find the right way
I try this and
I try that
But I can’t change that’s a fact
I’m dreaming again
I’m pushing myself in vain
I’m the only one to blame
I’m drowning in shame
I’m trying to change the way I am
Trying to change the beginner plan
I know that I have the power in my hands
But what I want is not what I can